dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
