UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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