yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
God I need to hump something, right now.
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