Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
