I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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