Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
