I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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