Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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