I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
