So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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