Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
