make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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