You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
did i just pee glitter
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
