Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
