Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
