your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
