Say something about gay babies.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
