this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize