In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
