I will die if light touches me.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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