she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
