So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Randomize
