Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
