I puked a lego.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
