Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
