i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I see more hoeing in ur future
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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