I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
