this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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