I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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