how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
