dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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