When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
