Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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