He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
