oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
