i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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