sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
