I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Come on in and take your pants off
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