i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
