I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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