dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
