my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
