Well douche your snatch and let's go!
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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