I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
