May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
