Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
