Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
