Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
