I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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