I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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