I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
