the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
