P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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