i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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