don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize