sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
