So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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