You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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