I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
