His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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