I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize