I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
