im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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