I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
God, I missed his penis.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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