masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
