She announced her abortion via fbk
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
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