At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
