haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
