before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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