mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
