No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
