I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
