She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I AM VODKA MAN
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
