I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
