i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
