you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
