hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize