I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
